Psychologist reveals: This is what people regret most later in life

In the here and now, everyone probably has something they regret. Sometimes it happened not long ago, sometimes years or decades have passed. Some things are hard to let go of, and so they keep coming back to haunt us. Especially when the emotional component is strong and processing the thing we missed or misbehaved seems to be struggling.

Psychologist Michael Gervais writes on "CNBC Make It" about what he encounters most frequently in therapy sessions when it comes to the topic of regret or grief. The good news is: If we take it to heart now, we can usually avoid this regret later. So there is reason for hope, in the here and now.

The number 1 regret

The most common problem is time and how we use it. Many people haven't done something they wanted to do, but have always put it off until another day. For example, we later regret not having spent more time with our loved ones. However, the thing that most people regret later often becomes apparent the moment it happens. Perhaps we've always wanted to try a different job, but were too afraid to do it and preferred to stay in our secure job, even though we didn't like it. Later, we think to ourselves, "I really would have liked to do that," but feel it's too late.

Gervais also refers to the bestseller "Five Things Dying People Regret Most" by Bronnie Ware . She was once a nurse who accompanied people to their deaths. In her book, she identifies the following five things that people most often regret:

1. " I wish I had had the courage to live a life that was true to myself, not the life that others expected of me."
2. "I wish I hadn't worked so hard."
3. "I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings."
4. "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."
5. "I wish I had allowed myself to be happier."

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Discover now

Many people are afraid of failure or disappointing others, and uncertainty is something few people want in life. But when we look back on these moments later, we sometimes wonder why we were worried or afraid in the first place. Personal commitments may have prevented some people from pursuing their dreams. But what's important is having some kind of opportunity to lead a fulfilling life. We may not become a singer on the big stage, but we can join the church choir, which can be a lot of fun.

Find and do what truly defines you

A life without fun and fulfillment is empty. Whether it's a job that brings you joy or your private life, hobbies or social commitment: there are many ways to live a more contented life. "The big difference between then and now is that today you have the opportunity to do something about it," writes psychologist Michael Gervais in his article. As humans, we are often good at pushing back a lack and somehow living with the fact that we are missing something. We are creatures of habit, and changing something is therefore often not our strong suit. But if you already have something in the here and now that you regret, or if you keep thinking about doing a certain thing, it can make more sense to trust your own intuition rather than your mind.

Other common reasons for regret can be romantic or an educational path we didn't pursue. A career or finances we neglected. Raising children we wish we had more time for. Look for the things that sometimes trouble you in the present and address them. This will give you hope for a worry-free future.

lkl Brigitte

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