Olise, Ekitike, Amiri: Stagedive through the season: The 11 of the Bundesliga season

Noah Atubolu (26 games, ten clean sheets) "Urban legends" are generally understood to mean rumors or stories that only appear to be true and are based more on perceived facts than on irrefutable circumstances. Noah Atubolu can tell you a thing or two about this. Even at the start of this season, it was said that the young Freiburg goalkeeper was highly talented but that he made a big mistake every 15 minutes. Nonsense! This season, the U21 national team keeper has once and for all earned his place among the best Bundesliga goalkeepers. And when he does make a mistake, he runs so fast that he turns a big error into a season record. Because no other goalkeeper has sprinted as fast as Atubolu this season - 32.5 km/h! Hex hex!

Eric Smith (32 games, 1 goal, 1 assist) Among football hipsters (i.e. FC St. Pauli fans), the Swede has been considered for years to be at least the reincarnation of Franz Beckenbauer mixed with a bit of Paolo Maldini. And after his first Bundesliga season, all other observers must also admit: Yeah, he can kick. Starting the season as a central defender, Smith moved into defensive midfield due to personnel shortages, directing both the build-up play and the play against the ball, and is the main guarantor of the newly promoted team's survival in the league. He thus played his way from the know-it-all, scene-expert circles into the mainstream and can therefore perpetually be called the football-playing Iced Matcha Latte.

Nico Schlotterbeck (23 games, 4 assists) was the only constant at BVB during the turbulent months under Nuri Sahin and represented the departed Mats Hummels as a leader and player so well that he earned public praise from his mentor, who presumably wrote this tweet between three espressos and a clarifying conversation with the Roma club management:

In any case, Schlotterbeck truly earned his status as one of Germany's best central defenders in 2024/25. The fact that he's still allowed to play in the Champions League at the end of the season without any effort on his part sums up this completely bizarre BVB season quite well, even for Nico Schlotterbeck personally.

Jonathan Tah (33 games, 3 goals, 1 assist) While he didn't manage to defend his title, Jonathan Tah provided further proof in 2024/25 that he's long outgrown the Bayer logo. And because it would be a shame if this player didn't sign with a club that enjoys real relevance in Europe, he's now packing his bags and leaving Bayer. And on a free transfer, no less. Which is why we won't dress up as Robin Hood at the next costume party—we'll dress up as Jonathan Tah.

Nadiem Amiri (30 games, 7 goals, 5 assists) Rarely has a step back been such a powerful step forward! His leadership qualities on and off the pitch ensured Mainz's European debut since 2016/17. He ran, slid, and magically earned his way back into the national team. And if in the future any highly talented player leaves a giant club to pursue a career elsewhere, we should simply talk about the "Amiri transfer." It's clear that this summer the man will probably join some highly ambitious club with a dysfunctional structure (hello, Borussia Dortmund) and fall back into his old ways, right?

Florian Wirtz (31 games, 10 goals, 13 assists)

The crazy thing is: This season, the most ordinary potato, partly due to his team's occasionally drab performances, seemed to have fewer shining moments than last season (the topic: urban legend!). He still managed 23 points, was once again the best player this league has to offer on the ball, and after this season feels like one of those kids on the show "Super Toy Club," storming the toy store with an empty shopping cart and an unlimited budget: now he can pick his favorite new toy. Bayern? Liverpool? Manchester City?! It's a tough choice! Although, he already knows that from the potato blind ranking.

Michael Olise (34 games, 12 goals, 18 assists) Arjen Robben's best Bundesliga season in terms of scoring points: 2014/15, when the Dutchman scored 17 times and provided seven assists, giving him 24 points after John Arne Riise. Michael Olise's debut season at FC Bayern: 12 goals, 18 assists, 30 points. FC Bayern has signed an absolute monster. Fantastic finishing, unstoppable dribbling, and a good eye for teammates. The Frenchman has the potential to shape the record champions' game for years to come; after all, they won the title in his first year. His best performance of the season, however, came when he finally managed to crack a little laugh at the championship celebrations after a whole season of stoicism:

Jens Stage (28 games, 10 goals, 5 assists) is still so criminally undervalued that a simple Google name search brings up a picture of his teammate Amos Pieper. He was the most dangerous central midfielder of the season, closes down more space than real estate agents and was the engine and brains of a Bremen team that long dreamed of European football. With his ten goals, he is Werder Bremen's top scorer. The last time midfielders were so accurate for Werder, Kevin de Bruyne and Aaron Hunt each scored eleven. For the Dane, this means he is now making a stage dive into the big screen – or comfortably coasting to a halt at HSV. One football world, many universes!

Harry Kane (31 games, 26 goals, 10 assists) Maybe he sniffed it. Maybe he licked it briefly. Maybe he gritted his teeth on it. The championship trophy, a title – that strange thing. Who would blame Harry Kane, notoriously unsuccessful for so long, if he had reacted to the sight of the silverware like a Neanderthal encountering an alien? The fact that Kane can now finally put some silverware in his cabinet is his own fault: He scored 26 times again and provided more assists than the overwhelmed number 10 of your pitiful favorite club. These days, people take his performances for granted, because Kane delivers so consistently that desperate German postal companies are already waiting with transfer offers to hire him as their new head of logistics.

Hugo Ekitike (33 games, 15 goals, 8 assists) Overcame the grief quickly, having coped well after the winter even without Omar Marmoush. He's a goalscorer, dribbler, and provider all rolled into one, ensuring that Eintracht Frankfurt remains a truly top-class team. His game combines a stamina with a rarely seen elegance. It's as if someone were skating on stilts. So, no one should be surprised if he goes for gold in figure skating at the 2026 Winter Olympics in Milan.

Shuto Machino (32 games, 11 goals, 3 assists) Sure: Serhou Guirassy, ​​Nick Woltemade, Patrik Schick – there were one or two other strikers who earned their place during the season. But we send our greetings to the north again. In a season for Kiel that wasn't short of setbacks, the Japanese was often enough a cause for great celebration: he gifted Gladbach two goals in a thrilling 4-3 home win, scored again in Augsburg the following week, and thus brought hope back to the stork's nest in the final stretch of the season. He will probably celebrate his personal survival, sign somewhere in the top division, and once again provide material for wordplay for an entire season. Which is why we'll hold back on that at the end of this season, wish the entire Bundesliga a great summer, and look forward to the teams and players being back in the Machino room working from August onwards. Oh.