Cell phones are damaging your relationship with your children and their mental health

Imagine you're playing with your child and your phone rings. You check the notification and discover a funny TikTok video sent by your friend. You watch the video, reply to your friend, and start asking her how her day is going.

Meanwhile, your child is trying to show you the tower of cubes he has built, but despite his efforts, he cannot catch your eye.

Does this scenario sound familiar ? A recent US study tracked parents' daily smartphone usage and found that they use their phones for an average of more than five hours a day . Additionally, another US study found that 68% of parents say they are distracted by their phones when interacting with their children.

As psychology researchers interested in parent-child relationships, we recently conducted a study with Canadian pre-adolescents to examine how this interference from technology, called technoference, can harm children's mental health.

When you stare at your phone instead of the person you're interacting with, that person can feel devalued or even ignored. When prevalent, technoference can become a significant problem in any relationship, but it can have more serious consequences in parent-child relationships.

This problem is all the more worrying as digital technology is now ubiquitous and easily accessible, making it a constant and persistent source of distraction.

Phones have become our inseparable companions. Phones accompany us almost everywhere, whether we're moving from room to room at home or going out. Additionally, digital devices, apps, and algorithms have been intentionally designed to capture and hold our attention . This makes it easy to get caught up in them, but also makes it difficult to disengage.

Research shows that children thrive when interactions with their parents are engaging and consistent, and when their parents consistently meet their needs . These interactions help lay a solid foundation for healthy brain, social, and emotional development. However, frequent technology conferencing can disrupt essential parent-child interactions.

That said, it's important to recognize that technology is an integral part of our daily lives, including our children's. Parents tend to frequently check their phones to organize their schedules, discover family activities, and communicate with others. In this way, technology is proving to be an indispensable, even beneficial, tool for parents.

The problem with technoference arises when parents check their phones too often, missing key opportunities to interact with their children.

In our recent study published in the journal JAMA Network Open , we asked whether technoference influences the mental health of preadolescents. The preadolescent period (ages nine to 11) is crucial for the development of mental health problems, as it is during this period that they become more prevalent.

We followed 1,300 preadolescents over a two-year period. They reported how often their parents engaged in technoference and their psychological symptoms (anxiety, inattention, and hyperactivity/impulsivity).

Regarding technoference, approximately 60% of tweens expressed a desire for their parents to spend less time with them on technology. Additionally, approximately 50% of tweens reported feeling annoyed by their parents' technoference.

We also found that the higher a parent's levels of technoference, the more likely their preteen was to develop symptoms of inattention (such as difficulty concentrating) and hyperactivity (such as difficulty sitting still).

Several mechanisms could explain this association. Technoference may impair parents' ability to support their child's emotion management skills, which ultimately affects their own ability to regulate their behavior. It is also possible that when parents use technology frequently, their children also spend more time using it, which is, in itself, associated with more symptoms of inattention and hyperactivity.

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Additionally, we found an association between anxiety and technoference. When preteens were more anxious, parents subsequently engaged in more technoference. One possible explanation is that parents may have difficulty managing their children's anxiety. They may view their technological devices as an escape from difficult interactions. Another possibility is that they use their devices as a way to get support to help their preteen.

Most of us want to minimize the impact of technology on our interactions. How can we do that? Here are three effective ways to limit technoference in our relationships.

1. Be aware of your technology use around others . When you find your phone distracting you during interactions, it's worth questioning whether you need this technological intrusion. In our increasingly interconnected society, an email may require an immediate response. However, if you find yourself scrolling through the latest updates on social media, it may be wise to reconsider your technology use in these circumstances.

2. Schedule times when you don't use technology . Just having a phone on the table during a meal with someone can reduce the enjoyment of spending time together . Look for a time in your day when you don't need to be connected to technology, such as during family meals. Then, deliberately choose to leave your device in another room.

3. Fight the urge to document everything. Some of us feel pressure to document every aspect of our daily lives on social media. This means integrating technology into our daily interactions.

Since parental phone use can lead to a decreased sense of connection with their child , it is important to focus on being more present in the moment and simply enjoying our time with our loved ones.