In a Shocking Turn of Events, the White House Has Admitted There's Something Wrong With Trump
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We have been living under Trump hegemony long enough to understand the patterns in which the president transmits information. Whenever anyone—a member of the press, a doofus podcaster, a guy standing inches off camera at a rally in Kalamazoo—asks the man a question about his personal affairs, the president's response is that everything is normal and fine. And in fact, the status quo has never been better. This is especially true in regard to Donald Trump's health. Despite the fact that nobody on the planet shares his one-of-a-kind countenance (and the fact that the countenance in question is extremely distressing), the only updates we get on his medical situation is that the man pumps the diamond-strewn blood of Zeus himself and will surely live till 130. So it's noteworthy that, for the first time in Trump's public career, his administration is admitting that something might be wrong with his body .
The issue in question? His ankles. Earlier this week, when the president attended a soccer match between Chelsea and Paris Saint-Germain with FIFA head Gianni Infantino, eagle-eyed photographers snapped a few pictures of the president's lower extremities that looked—for lack of a better term —swollen the hell up . In one memorable photo , Trump's ankles appear downright sausagelike, impressively achieving a diameter that can, I think, realistically rival Hulk Hogan's biceps. They're uncomfortably wedged into black dress shoes, with bulbous flesh spilling out over the edges. It looks, in a word, painful , and it is one of the first unmistakable biological signs that the colossus of our era is, in fact, a 79-year-old man who is going to encounter all sorts of bizarre, unpleasant, and funny-looking illnesses as time marches forward. And perhaps because of that, White House staffers—expert obfuscators that they are—haven't muddied the waters as much as they usually do. Instead, press secretary Karoline Leavitt conceded that Trump is suffering from “chronic venous insufficiency.” Leavitt cited a letter from the president's doctor, Sean Barbabella, at a briefing. Here's the quote in full:
The president underwent a comprehensive examination, including diagnostic vascular studies. Bilateral lower extremity venous Doppler ultrasounds were performed and revealed chronic venous insufficiency, a benign and common condition, particularly in individuals over the age of 70.
To be clear, chronic venous insufficiency isn't an especially serious condition. It basically means the Big Man's appendages aren't able to circulate blood back up to the rest of his body the way they once did, so fluids are pooling in his ankles—hence the swelling. Politico noted that the condition can continue to worsen , leading to “cramps, skin changes, [and] leg ulcers,” but—at least initially—most physicians prescribe a blend of lifestyle changes to manage it. (Those include regular exercise and diet, two things I'm sure Trump is thrilled about. In fact, he once asserted that exercise actually makes you less healthy .)
All of this is to say that the president's clogged ankles do not yet amount to a Bidenlike level of moldering. But, honestly, are we that far off? Trump isn't getting any younger, and I do think this out-of-character disclosure that the man has a circulation problem is a crack in the facade. One of the great tragedies of the 2024 cycle was that Biden's flatlining psychic capacity detracted from Trump's similar diminishment since 2016. This previously manifested through mostly vibes-based measures: Does his voice sound a little frailer? Doesn't he seem a bit more spiritually checked out? But now the whole world stars into the void. The president's talocrural joints have the consistency of water balloons. It's all downhill from here.
I expect, of course, for the president to quickly close ranks. Trump is already denouncing the Epstein files—and his alleged presence within them—as an Obama-era fabrication. He'll certainly do the same thing about the blood coagulating at the bottom of his body. It's Photoshop! It's George Soros! And, actually, many people are saying it's healthy when your skin takes on the appearance of a boiled hot dog! But the years keep piling up. The decline has already begun. Now we all get to watch and see just how bad it can get.
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