Actor Ezra Miller Has Come Out of His Personal Abyss. And He Has Something to Say

“I am queer, but being queer is not a static situation , given once and for all. I would like to see another word used, instead of queer. The word 'becoming' : a person in the making.”

What is important today for the queer community – or, if we want to use your term – “becoming”?

“It is important that all young people be clear with themselves, that they accept what they are, what they are becoming, and that no one can think that one pronoun counts more than another. The important thing is to transmit kindness , and allow everyone to live the reality of what they are”.

Ezra Miller was the grumpy, charismatic boy in that beautiful film about adolescence that is “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” . It was 2012, in the cast there was Emma Watson . Then he was Credence Barebone , in the “Fantastic Beasts” series. He says: “To me, Credence represents someone who has been abused, who has tried to adapt to life starting from a trauma. Something that most young queer people go through in life”.

Today he is 32 years old, with very long black hair and a Mexican mustache . At dinner, he wears a short skirt and large black combat boots. His eyes light up at every question, and he answers by diving into the words, as if the life of the universe depended on it. He identifies as non-binary .

He also lived one of the most dramatic parables in the recent history of Hollywood. The Wikipedia page that concerns him reports accusations of violent behavior, assault, disturbance of the public peace ; a trial for an ambiguous friendship between him and a young Lakota activist, which began when he was 23 and she was 12. For three years he withdrew from public life . After a brief appearance at the Cannes Film Festival, we found him again at the Filming Italy festival, in Sardinia, at the Forte Village resort. And he speaks, freely, with us, in one of the rare interviews he has given in recent years.

How do you feel?

“I have seen the abyss, I have fallen into it and I have come out of it. Sometimes in life I have had difficult moments, and I have been unable to get out of them. Now I am healed. Suffering is part of the essence of being human. Being a person always means being hurt. Suffering is guaranteed, for each of us, for all human beings. The act of being born alone is a trauma, it is an act of 'gore'. Have you ever seen a birth? It is tough. We all have wounds”.

How does he see himself, the self of today and the self of yesterday?

“I have often despised myself: I cannot describe how much I have fought to be a human being.”

Did art help her?

“On the contrary: I asked too much of her. I was practically addicted to art like a drug. Art was all I wanted, all I aspired to, as a kid. Singing, dancing, acting. I wanted to be loved, through art, in a way I hadn’t been loved in life. But that’s how I f—ed myself.”

Hollywood is not a place he loves. He has chosen to live in Vermont, on a country estate.

“There’s so much dignity that gets lost in the way you work in Hollywood. I don’t know, the film industry has taken me out of myself a lot of times.”

In difficult moments, how did you react?

“I found the blessing within the curse, the seed of Yang within the enormity of Yin. The darkest moment of my life was also the most beautiful. I have sadness and remorse for many things I did, for many things that happened during that time. But I am very grateful for the lessons that came, there at the bottom of the abyss.”