Hermann Bellinghausen: The Pet Wars

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It all started when the 9th She allowed her lapdogs to urinate on the chrome rims of the pickup truck belonging to the woman in number 4, whom she irrationally detested. The woman in number 9 denied the charges. And if so, it wasn't on purpose, she said. But that's what cameras are for, and you could clearly see how the woman forcefully pulled her dogs toward the year-old truck and made them pee there. The neighbor's symbolic sanction infuriated the woman in number 9 out of pure pride, and the next time she emptied her dogs' poop bag onto the carpet in the main hallway. Faced with a lack of general reaction, the woman in number 9 repeated Operation Shit on the carpet belonging to her enemy in number 4.

The next step was a complaint filed with the Home Affairs Prosecutor's Office for hostile contamination of the property. The neighbors provided evidence. The woman in number 9 countersued. The lawyers entered the scene. The matter took on political overtones, as the woman in number 9 sympathized with one party, and the woman in number 4 with another. At one time, when they spoke to each other, the woman in number 9 would insult her neighbor.

He went to the party of his choice, which governed the district, spoke to its representative, and the representative called from the floor of Congress to poison the pets of the opposing party. Apparently, the idea came from the 9th. The prairie burned. The first deaths were televised. Then there were so many dead dogs that it became a public health issue. The cat massacre was less visible; it occurred in yards and on rooftops. There were plenty of people who threw strychnine-laced steaks at open windows.

The media barked and barked, but it was the fanatics who were biting. People stopped taking their dogs out. The cats had their windows closed, but you know how they are? Many escaped, never to return, or only at their last. There were attempts at negotiation; the fighting spread like wildfire. Both sides blocked avenues, showing off their lifeless, if not already stiff, pets. They attacked veterinary clinics and specialty stores. Things got out of control when the wave of violence reached Australian parakeets, turtles, hamsters, iguanas, and axolotls.

Grotesque scenes erupted. A mob occupied an aquarium and smashed the glass of the fish tanks with bats. The poor fish leaped out, dying, as if the owner's political affiliation were to blame, and were savagely trampled. The mobs brandished flags and clubs behind terrified dogs dragging their leashes. Collared cats were found hanging from telephone wires. A man in the Ajusco area had two horses killed.

The people were unrecognizable, furious, thirsty for revenge. Mourning for their own pets turned into hatred for the enemy's. They went from poison to more forceful measures. It turned out that the homes contained many more weapons than those registered. Firefighters, police, and the armed forces intervened; there were plenty of those who poisoned their canine companions.

The extinction of companion animals and even feral animals was feared, but before this could happen, one magical night, the domestic animals disappeared. They were gone. Only the completely locked-up dogs and cats had to stay. Caged birds stopped singing, parrots fell silent, and people decided to release them despite the uncertainty of a free life for canaries and cardinalfish in captivity. Hens stopped laying eggs, and in rural areas, cows' tits dried up.

The gangs suddenly found themselves without pets to kill. They stared at each other, unhinged. They lost their peace, their composure. They realized. A remorse filled them with no possible relief. A bunch of murderers, that's what they felt, longing for the afternoon walk and the virtuous collection of feces, the changing of litter boxes, the cleaning of aquariums and fish tanks. And worst of all, without a dog or animal to cuddle. What sadness filled them, without the strength to strike each other. Fear ensued.

There was talk that dogs, cats, and various other species had taken refuge in the forests and on the slopes of volcanoes. That they were training in guerrilla techniques in preparation for revenge. That they received funding from German and British NGOs (which was false). That the Chinese were behind it all. That the United States was planning to intervene militarily to protect the rights of dog breeds of European origin; neither Xolos nor Pekingese were on its list, and it would offer asylum to dogs, cats, and horses with valid pedigrees.

The pets had no plans to return. The countryside was a great fit for them. They regained their atavistic hunting skills and adaptation to the elements. They abandoned humanity. People were left without a dog to wag its tail or squeal at them tenderly. Desolate, the former cat owners took to scratching themselves. Political parties hurled accusations at each other without legal consequences. Even pigeons, grackles, and sparrows deserted the streets and parks. Without competitors or predators, only the rats remained, so at home among us.