Parenting question: 'Can I take my tantrum-prone toddler on the plane?'

P arraigning, if only we had a manual for it. Parenthood involves both intense moments of happiness and a lot of worries and dilemmas. That is why Sofie Vissers, editor-in-chief of J/M Ouders and mother of two children, answers a parenting question from parents every week for Metro . This week, the question from Machteld (41): "Can I take my angry toddler on the plane?"

“Hi Sofie,

Now that the nice weather has broken, my husband and I are getting the summer holiday itch and are planning a trip. We would like to fly to a far-away destination, but we are not sure whether we can take our angry toddler (3) on the plane. He is a sweet and cheerful darling, but he can have enormous tantrums and he can easily stay in them for 20 minutes. During such a tantrum he kicks and hits and screams the whole lot together. We would rather not have this happen on the plane, because we do not want to bother the other passengers or him. Is it wise to go anyway and try to keep him happy with sweets and games? Or do you say: you are not doing him any favors so take the car? I would like to hear your advice.

Love,

A doubting mother”

"Thank you for your submission. We are hearing from many parents right now who are struggling with this dilemma, especially now that summer is approaching and we are making travel plans again. Traveling with a toddler who is prone to tantrums can be challenging, but it is certainly not impossible.

Yes, it can. But good preparation is crucial. Three-year-old toddlers are in a developmental phase in which self-regulation is still limited. Tantrums are therefore normal, although they are of course not nice in a closed space with many people, such as on an airplane.

According to research , toddler tantrums last an average of three to five minutes, but intense tantrums can indeed last longer. Tantrums are often triggered by fatigue, hunger, overstimulation or lack of control; exactly the things that can play a role during a long flight. So remember that a tantrum cannot be completely prevented.

• Choose your flight time consciously: Does your son still take an afternoon nap? Try to fly during his nap time, so that he can sleep during (parts of) the flight.
• Provide predictability: Announce in toddler language what is going to happen, for example: 'We're going on a big plane and you can play with your cars there.'
• Provide moments of control: Let him make small choices: do you want water or juice? Do you want the car or airplane coloring page?
• Create a “travel box”: Fill it with favorite snacks , small gifts, stickers, a magnetic drawing board and headphones with relaxing videos or music.
• Use comfort items: Think of a stuffed animal or blanket from home that provides security.

Of course, you don't have complete control over that. If he does have a tantrum, stay calm and don't let yourself be guided too much by the looks of others. It doesn't help your child if you get tense. Respond to his emotions ('You find it difficult, don't you?') and try to distract him if possible. Other passengers are often less judgmental than parents think. And those who do judge may not know what the toddler phase is really like.

Traveling by car is indeed more flexible: you set your own pace, you can stop when necessary and the overstimulation is often less. If your holiday is also about as little stress as possible and you already find the idea of ​​flying tiring, the car can be a more relaxing alternative. But that does not mean that flying is out of the question.

Don't just look at what your child can handle, but also at what you and your husband can handle. Is the flight worth it if you prepare him well, accept that it can be tough and remain realistic in your expectations? Then I would take on the adventure. A three-year-old doesn't have to 'appreciate' a trip like we do, but he can practice dealing with new situations. With you as a safe base. In short: flying is not an impossible mission, but it is something where preparation and flexibility make the difference. In any case: I wish you and your family a safe and especially relaxed trip!”

Read on J/M Parents : Lifehacks for flying with kids according to mother and flight attendant Alicia .

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