Addicted to Anxiety? A Psychotherapist on How Anxiety Takes Control of Our Lives
Anxiety as a habit, addiction, and defense mechanism – why is it so difficult to break free? Psychotherapist Owen O'Kane explains how to build a healthier relationship with your anxiety and regain control over your life.
This is one of the first sentences spoken in an interview for Gazeta Wyborcza by Owen O'Kane , an experienced British psychotherapist and author of the book "Addicted to Anxiety." While it sounds provocative, it's supported by research and—most importantly—thousands of hours spent with patients who struggle daily with excessive anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, panic disorders, and PTSD.
"I wanted the book's title to be powerful. Because anxiety can be like an addiction—and a lot of people don't realize it," says O'Kane.
Why don't we want to get rid of fear – even if it destroys us?
Although most people suffering from anxiety declare they would like to be free from it, they often unconsciously perpetuate it. Anxiety provides a false sense of security. "If I worry, nothing will surprise me. If I keep checking, I won't miss the danger signal," these chronically anxious people think.
"It's as if we were afraid to get well. Because who would we be without our fear?"
Anxiety doesn't just appear out of nowhere. It's complex—it arises at the intersection of biology (e.g., ADHD, neurotransmitters), upbringing, experiences (e.g., trauma), and cultural and social environments. O'Kane compares our anxiety to the small, frightened child within us—demanding care, not rejection.
The biggest mistake? Treating fear like the enemy.
Owen O'Kane notes that anxiety can act similarly to addiction—providing short-term relief but worsening our condition in the long run. Many people compulsively analyze their thoughts, seek validation, avoid difficult situations, or use substances—all to numb their anxiety.
"It's like a voice in your head saying: check again, make sure, don't go out. But the more we listen to it, the louder it becomes."
Compulsive "what if..." thinking
Excessive monitoring of body and symptoms
Avoiding people, places, activities
Constantly seeking reassurances
Feeling "uneasy when everything is calm"
Instead of suppressing and repressing fear, O'Kane suggests... inviting it to the table. Treating it as a part of yourself that can be empathized with, that can be tamed.
"It's not the enemy. It's a scared part of you trying to protect you. You don't have to listen to it, but it's worth listening to."
Acknowledge fear, don't fight it – "I see you. I hear you. But I don't have to follow you."
Take care of your body to calm your nervous system – meditation, movement, breathing.
Stop over-monitoring yourself – “Do I feel 78% better today?” – that gets you nowhere.
Don't feed your fear by obsessively searching for information – especially on the internet.
Build relationships with people and the world beyond fear – don't give up on life.
Owen O'Kane's most important message? You can experience and overcome fear —not by fighting it, but by building a new relationship with it. By treating it as a part of yourself that you can care for. And then—step by step—reclaim your life.
"You don't need a miracle technique. You need to change the way you treat yourself."
Source: Gazeta Wyborcza Updated: 30/07/2025 08:00
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