American psychologist explains: 2 compliments you should never give your partner
In her article published in Psychology Today, Dr. Travers emphasized that compliments generally calm people down and, when delivered correctly, make people feel valued and understood. However, some compliments can also convey the message that the person needs to improve themselves.
Dr. Travers points out that a phrase like, "How can you always be so calm?" can actually be a statement that rewards emotional suppression and composure. While it might initially seem like an innocent compliment, such remarks can be a subtle encouragement for your partner to try to remain calm even in moments of pain or difficulty. Such statements can make someone feel emotionally pressured. "When emotional suppression is praised in adult relationships," Dr. Travers says, "it reinforces the message that your partner's value lies solely in being agreeable and easy-going," and he notes that such approaches can have a profound impact.
Another common and dangerous compliment is, "You're the only person I can talk to." Dr. Travers says this phrase can make your partner think you're solely dependent on them for emotional control. While it might seem like a high level of trust at first glance, these words can actually foster a structure that fosters emotional dependency. Research shows that people experience better mental health when they meet their different emotional needs with different people. While sharing your concerns with one friend, you can open up about deeper emotional issues with another. "Diversity of emotional support promotes greater well-being because a relationship isn't burdened with carrying every emotional burden," Dr. Travers says.
Dr. Travers also noted that some nicknames used in previous relationships can tend to ignore deeper emotional issues. Nicknames like "Baby," "Sweetie," and "Angel" can make a relationship feel intimate and close. However, such nicknames often serve to deflect deeper issues and avoid addressing the real problem, without truly creating closeness.
Compliments, while seemingly sincere and loving, can potentially create emotional strain and pressure in relationships. Developing a deeper and more meaningful communication style that considers your partner's emotional well-being is crucial to the sustainability of the relationship.
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