Psychologist explains: You may have grown up in the shadow of a narcissistic parent
According to Prof. Behary, the first and most common symptom of individuals raised by narcissistic parents is their inability to say no. A victim who spoke to HuffPost summarized this situation with the words, “They can’t say ‘I am important, I have needs.’” Dr. Malkin states that when these children express their most basic emotional needs, they feel “sick, crazy or selfish,” and this causes them to have low self-esteem in their later lives.
Dr. Malkin said that individuals with toxic personality traits often learn these behaviors from their parents, and noted that these behaviors include manipulation, creating guilt and belittling others. According to experts, it is not surprising that children who grow up with the mentality of “If you can’t beat them, join them” develop narcissistic traits over time.
There is often excessive competition between the children of narcissistic parents. Experts say that this conflict is fueled by the constant praise of one child while the other is scolded. Prof. Behary states that these children are forced to take on the role of an adult at an early age and suppress their own emotional needs: “The child’s feeling that he/she has to manage the drama in the family leads to the abandonment of his/her own childhood needs.”
It is thought that individuals who are motivated by external approval in school and work life may also be the children of narcissistic parents. Dr. Malkin says that these children learn that they are valuable only when they are productive. According to experts, these individuals have difficulty developing a sense of self. Prof. Behary explains this situation as follows:
“I felt like I was ready to be more of a reflection of [my parent] than of my own personality.” DISTANCING MAY BE NECESSARY In some cases, Dr. Malkin stresses, it may be necessary to limit contact with narcissistic parents. Relationships can become toxic, especially if there are signs of abuse, denial, or psychopathy.
“No one should have to endure emotional or physical abuse. Abusers are 100 percent responsible for their abuse, and only they can stop the cycle.”
Experts say recognizing and accepting the negative effects of narcissistic parenting is the first step in the healing process.
“Sharing sensitive emotions such as sadness, loneliness, fear and disappointment plays a key role in breaking this cycle,” said Dr. Malkin, emphasizing that children of narcissistic parents should not lose hope.
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