What's With the Timothée Chalamet Cash App Ad Playing Before <em>Superman</em>?

A metric shit-ton of people saw Superman this weekend—including myself. Quite a lot of them left the theater oohing and ahhing about David Corenswet's (apologies to Henry Cavill!) not-miserable, definitely-not-homicidal Man of Steel. Some left a little grumpy about director James Gunn's take on the character.

As for me, and certainly anyone else with unresolved psychological turmoil, I could not stop thinking about the mysterious Timothée Chalamet Cash App commercial that played before my screening.

As the lights dimmed at Cinemark Robinson Township and XD around 2 p.m. on Saturday afternoon, out walked Timmy Chalamadashian in a black tank. He's shopping for groceries (?) at a rare produce market (?!), whose owner begins to list all sorts of treasured goods for sale. Then, his son tells old daddio to move his point-of-sale system (which previously accepted livestock offerings, in certain cases) over to Cash App. Mr. Knickerbocker is somewhat disturbed by the kid, who won't stop staring at him, and ultimately gives way to Superman wondering how the heck he's supposed to pay for his Victorian-era mango. If you're wondering if the spot is as weird as it sounds—yes, reader, it's extremely fucking weird.

Later that night, I found that the commercial doesn't exist anywhere online. Did I somehow hallucinate my encounter with the CashApp'Dib? Rest assured, I did not—nearly every Timothée Chalamet fan account was chattering about watching the commercial before Superman. (Even the hater accounts. One user on r/TimotheeChalametSnark wrote, "You know it’s bad when you a '2 time Oscar nominee' and Capital One doesn’t hit you up. I mean CASHAPP?! Really dude..you can tell his heart wasn’t even in it.") Some viewers even uploaded their recorded footage of the spot, and you can watch one of them below:

So, that leaves me with just one question: How did Cash App create a commercial so damn mysterious that even ClubChalamet doesn't know anything about it? Because as far as I can tell, the commercial didn't even run before every Superman screening, nor has appeared in any other format outside of select blessed theaters. "I don't know anything about a Timmy Cashapp ad running before the #Superman screenings, as I saw the film twice thus far," reads the holy Timothée Chalamet fan account's statement on the matter.

I'll update this story if Bobby D. himself tells us anything about the ad. He posted this on his Instagram yesterday—maybe he's just laughing at us all.