'I feel like I have no one': Aging out of foster care leaves youth struggling with life skills

While most kids can't wait to grow up and be on their own, Brownsville, Ont. resident Cynthia Quaite says entering adulthood has been the most isolating experience of her life.

She spent her teenage years in the child welfare system, moving between foster homes and dealing with mental health challenges, but says aging out of the system has been more difficult than her combined years in it.

"I feel like I have no one at this point," said Quaite, a former Crown ward who fully aged out of the system in October, after her 23rd birthday. "I literally have no family and no friends who understand. That part is really hard."

Quaite was first connected with a children's aid social worker at age six, and started living in foster homes at 14. As a teenager, she struggled with mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression and self-harm.

While in the system, she said the local children's aid society supported her by pairing her with foster families and helping her go to college, but she is now left on her own to figure out "normal everyday people things."

"Anything to do with a car is out the window. They didn't tell me how to pay bills or how to own an apartment," she said. "I don't even know who to ask or who to call for that kind of stuff."

In Ontario, children can stay in the child welfare system until they are 18 years old, but there are additional services they can access from age 18 to 22. As of 2023, children's aid societies are required to use a guide from the Ministry of Children, Community and Social Services' to develop programming that teaches youth about housing, employment and finances.

"[The guide] includes new requirements for children's aid societies to hold them accountable for making sure youth are prepared to exit care," the Ministry said in a statement.

"At age 13, children's aid societies will introduce discussions about plans for the future. At age 15, the conversations shift to developing life skills, such as financial literacy, grocery shopping, resume building, and how to access social services and other supports," the Ministry said, adding that the program was built with input from former youth in care.

However, Quaite said that even with the extended services, it's hard to lose all of the support in one day.

"I graduated college, so they assumed I knew how to do this stuff and didn't really think I needed the help, but that's not the case at all," she said.

Quaite said the most difficult part of aging out of the child welfare system was losing her years-long relationship with a social worker.

"I made a really good connection with her, I trusted her – and it's really hard for me to trust other people – and she told me randomly one day that she's not my social worker anymore."

It was the same story for Woodstock, Ont. resident Nadia Sorgente, who aged out of the system on her 21st birthday in 2012.

"I just remember bawling my eyes out on my 21st birthday," she said. "Ask any Crown ward and they will tell you they spent their birthday crying and dreading what was ahead, because everything we know support-wise is gone."

While she stayed in casual contact with her social worker after aging out of the system, Sorgente said not everybody is so lucky.

"You're losing a mother figure and somebody that you can lean on for anything with taxes, trying to find a job, working on a resume," Sorgente said. "You're losing that very last thing that you had a connection to, that would be like family."

When Sorgente first read about Quaite's experiences in a Facebook post, she said she was immediately compelled to connect.

"I remember being that age and feeling that way," she said, adding that the two have started messaging each other. "Being 34 now, and seeing that nothing really has changed, was kind of alarming to me."

Sorgente said she would like to see additional support for former youth in care extended to age 25, with a specific focus on better mental health support and additional medical coverage.

Quaite agreed, adding that she also wants children's aid societies to offer services that people can access even after they age out of the system, such as an optional support group for former foster children to build friendships and ask each other for help.

"Kids who grew up as Crown wards feel really alone," she said. "We just need people to be there for us, just one solid person."