Rock On with Joan Axelrod-Contrada: Lonely too long
My big “a-ha” moment came from hearing the Young Rascals song “Lonely Too Long” on New Year’s Day. Ah, how Felix Cavaliere’s soulful voice made kids like me feel seen in 1967! And here I was, decades later, experiencing a wild sense of déjà vu.
Yup, I’d been lonely too long. No use trying to deny it anymore. The song shook the Pollyanna right out of my new Sixty-Something Widow Self.
I’d spent New Year’s Eve curled up on the couch with my trusty hound, Desi, and a book. Not just any book. mind you. Oh, no, my book group had chosen a piece of romantic fluff called “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo.” Just the kind of light escapism I needed, right?
Well, not quite.
The next morning, I woke up wondering how I could have thought reading a story about a glamorous, multiple-married diva (think Elizabeth Taylor) would be good for me.
It’s not like I even craved passion at that point.
What I missed most was having a guy by my side for everyday routines like walking the dog. Fred and I would talk about everything from what we were having for dinner that night (shrimp cacciatore, please!) to the sad state of the world as our pup blithefully chased squirrels.
Now it was just Desi and me. Yup, I’d been lonely too long.
That’s when a lightbulb lit up in my brain. What if I could find a smart, kind-hearted, witty guy who also loved dogs? No pressure. No romance. Just companionship for some quality dog-walking time.
So, like a modern woman on a mission, I took to Meetup. But guess what? The dog-walking group had disbanded.
Not to be defeated, I Googled my way to PetPeopleMeet. Oh, this was it! My profile would be a hit. I mean, my mutt had the market cornered on cuteness. He had that beagle chic going on. Surely, we’d get interest.
And we did. Responses poured in from all parts of the country … just not anywhere close to where I lived. Sorry, Mr. Alaska and Guy in Texas: Too far away for a casual stroll by the river.
So, I did what anyone would do: I canceled my membership and pondered my next move.
Reluctantly, I decided to check out the big one: Match.com. If there’s one thing Match knows, it’s that there are people out there looking for all kinds of things. I figured, hey, why not throw up a profile sprinkled with cute pics of Desi and me, mention my need for a dog-walking companion, and see what happens?
Granted, I didn’t expect much. Who, after all, goes on a dating site looking for a platonic walking buddy?
Well, surprise, surprise: I got a taker. Enter The Professor, a kind, gentle, and witty man who taught multicultural literature. (How cool is that?) He was in the process of moving from New Jersey to a spot in Massachusetts about an hour away from me. We hit it off right away.
Then it became clear that he wanted more. Oops.
And, funny thing is, I thought I might, too – just not with him. Mind you, I knew I didn’t want to get remarried or even live with anyone.
Then I remembered a conversation I’d had with a fellow boomer about this new trend called LAT. That’s Living Apart Together for those who aren’t in the know.
Basically, it’s the magic of a relationship without any of the downsides. No one hogging the couch when you just want to veg out in peace. No one second-guessing your grocery-shopping decisions. Instead, you just get the perks – dates for dinner and a movie along with late-night talks and cuddles.
So, I read everything I could about LAT and guess what? The ladies were all for it. The men? Not so much. Apparently, a lot of guys still wanted the old-fashioned system of woman as helpmate.
Sorry, not my thing.
Armed with my new LAT philosophy, I updated my Match profile. Out with the old platonic dog-walking companion. In with the “I’m independent and not looking for a live-in partner” message. I kept in my pictures of Desi, of course. After all, he was my secret weapon.
Granted, I had mixed feelings about it all. Did I really want to date at my age? Honestly? Most days, yep — it’s an itch I’ve got to scratch.
I still catch myself thinking I’m fine on my own. And most days, I am. But here’s the thing — whether you’re 16 or 76, you don’t need to dive into dating to feel the lift of “I’ve Been Lonely Too Long.” Just press play and let the good vibes do their thing.
Joan Axelrod-Contrada is a writer who lives in Florence. Sign up for her free monthly newsletter by emailing her at [email protected].
Daily Hampshire Gazette
