End-of-year teacher gifts: Does it make sense for the whole class to participate?

The final days of the school year are here, and with them, come suggestions for gifts for teachers who have taught throughout the year. But what began as a small gesture has become institutionalized and is causing quite a few headaches for families.

Lively parent chats, budget debates, and a race against time before the end of the week to choose the best present and who will be in charge of buying it. And families who disagree, resignedly wondering whether or not to give teachers an end-of-year gift.

Are we 'commodifying' the parent-teacher relationship, or is it a show of gratitude? Is there a happy medium between a basket full of food and perhaps a souvenir made by the children? This is the opinion of Dr. Carmen Martínez Conde, academic coordinator of the Master's Degree in Family Educational Guidance at the International University of La Rioja (UNIR).

How do you view this increasingly common custom of giving teachers gifts at the end of the school year? Does it have educational or symbolic value?

This custom can be valued from two distinct aspects. The first is the act of giving thanks , which is something that defines us as human beings. We are relational and family-oriented beings. This leads us to think of others, put ourselves in their shoes, and give the best of what we have. Being grateful to teachers is something we should all consider. The second direction is defined precisely by how we show gratitude. Living in a consumerist society creates habits that are closer to materialism than gratitude itself, or at least distorts it. It's also logical that in addition to giving thanks, we want to leave a mark. In this sense, the case has value as a "thank you" and the memory we hope to imprint on teachers. It could, however, be an opportunity to learn the meaning of gratitude and to recognize such commendable work as teaching.

Do you think these gifts, which began as small gestures of gratitude, have lost their spontaneity and become a kind of social obligation?

Gestures of gratitude to teachers have been made since ancient times. Also, in some societies, salaries were paid in kind. Social custom also included spontaneous, loving gifts such as a handwritten letter or a flower from one's own garden. Giving thanks to professionals in other fields with food or various other gifts is deeply rooted in our culture. Surely, many of us have seen it or even performed it. It's a natural response to someone who has had an important meaning in our lives. In the case of teachers, doctors, and other specialists who provide so much service to individuals and families, it's understandable that the need to return that care and support arises. Gratitude and altruism are ingrained in our way of socializing and relating, which is why we acknowledge help and are grateful for it. Sometimes drawing the line between gratitude and obligation can be difficult, since the perception we have after receiving help is perceived with a certain sense of duty.

In many cases, class chats become spaces of pressure, discussions about budgets, and decisions made against the clock. What impact can this have on relationships between families?

It can have an impact both on the relationship between families in the class and within each family. A disagreement over decisions or having to share an unexpected expense can be a source of conflict. This is because, in a diverse group made up of several families, very different personalities and ways of understanding the world can coincide. If a common agreement is not reached or a lack of understanding is perceived, it can lead to division. Unity within a class is very important; therefore, a breakup of the group can have negative consequences for the surrounding environment. On the other hand, regarding internal conflicts, there may be feelings of incomprehension regarding the group, concern about not being able to meet a financial expense, or frustration at not being able to develop assertive communication, among others.

From the perspective of family educational guidance, what role should parents play in these types of initiatives?

The role of families is fundamental for both children and other families. A social group can be an engine of change and, therefore, positively influence others. This influence can include the education and experience of virtues such as selflessness, a desire to serve, and a willingness to do a good job. When, in a family conversation, for example, a teacher is spoken of favorably and children are acknowledged for what the teacher has meant to them as parents, as well as the difference their teaching has made in their children's learning, they are setting an example of recognition and gratitude. That is why it is so good to always speak well of others at home. Another educational opportunity is to be a true example that in life we ​​must do good to others, without expecting anything in return. In other words, to be people who truly know how to serve and perform tasks with a strong sense of responsibility. Of course, it is also essential to learn to say thank you, which means recognizing and appreciating the efforts others make for us. Sometimes, a good way to know how much something costs is precisely by doing it, which is why being co-responsible for household chores can be a first area of ​​learning about gratitude and service to others.

How can we prevent a symbolic gesture from becoming a source of conflict or inequality?

To prevent a symbolic gesture from becoming a source of conflict or inequality, it is necessary to learn to focus more on people than on things. It is also essential to foster an education that emphasizes effort as a way of achieving something. This is especially necessary to appreciate the value of money, since earning it requires a significant investment of time and effort. Selflessness is something that must also be instilled in the home, as it is the basis for living a truly generous life.

Is there a risk of "commodifying" the relationship between families and teachers by turning the end of the school year into a kind of material exchange? How can we preserve the emotional and educational bond without it being mediated by a physical gift?

Consumerism is widespread in our society. It's part of a way of thinking, and even of living. Therefore, it can be considered a risk of commodification, especially for those individuals who associate purchases and gifts with personal success or recognition. The consumer mind always desires more of what they get, thus never closing the cycle of needs. Also in our time, the habit of marking special moments through material things is very prevalent. This makes gift-giving become a forced, meaningless tradition, or one that could relegate other, more ancient and positive ones such as writing a thank-you letter or performing acts of gratitude. On the other hand, teachers deserve thanks throughout the entire school year. Leaving displays of affection and admiration for a single, and final, day can lead to the loss of the meaning of what is being given. With this, material gifts could become a mere final formality at the end of the school year.

To achieve this, it's necessary to work at home on aspects such as respect for the teacher, understanding that an academic year is a daily struggle for growth, valuing knowledge, and being hardworking individuals. Furthermore, living detached from material things is a way to prevent the risk of becoming stuck only in material things. Another protective factor is creating a healthy home environment that normalizes speaking well of others without criticism, showing a grateful attitude for what one receives from others. Something that also helps preserve this bond is showing interest in others, celebrating achievements after their efforts, valuing each other's abilities, and joyfully sharing the positive events of daily life. This helps us to be happy with others' accomplishments, overcome the evil of envy, and learn to express gratitude with displays of affection and love.

What do you think would be a balanced or healthy approach to thanking teachers for their work at the end of the school year, taking into account the diversity of family situations?

To achieve this, we must start by creating an environment of understanding. To approach the diverse needs a family may present, we must take into account our capacity for empathy, recognizing our own imperfections and needs. Ultimately, it is necessary to be natural and avoid certain clichés. It is often said that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. If the vast majority of people applied this adage to their daily lives, it would be understood that a successful person would be one who treats others well, not one who spends the most. Understanding that a gift is a good, one could then consider that the best gift is not the most expensive or elaborate, but the one given with the most love.

Finally, what message would you like to convey to families who, with good intentions, face this dilemma each year between sincere recognition and social pressure?

Anyone who wants to give a good gift starts with good intentions. It might be helpful to ask the school about its gift policy. At the same time, it's very positive to foster an atmosphere of healthy gratitude among families. What happens is that, depending on each family's life story and personal situation, access to material goods is viewed in a certain way. We must be very cautious, since we could be putting both the families who might be involved in the gift and even the teacher who receives it at risk. In this sense, understanding, generosity, sensitivity, and discretion are fundamental aspects for organizing and choosing the gift. Let's not forget that this is one of the lovingly and admirably sought-after ways to recognize the great work teachers do throughout the school year.