Psychology: 3 signs that you are intellectualizing your feelings

What's your intuitive response to the question "How are you?" Do you answer with "good" or "bad," or do you immediately go into explanation mode? "There's a lot going on right now, it's stressing me out a bit" or "I'm fine, I'm flying on vacation tomorrow."

Of course, it's okay to tell someone who cares about us these things. But it can still be a sign that we're having trouble accepting our feelings for what they are. Instead, we intellectualize them. We approach our emotions with logic, and instead of feeling them, we try to explain them and search for solutions on a rational level. Many of us learned this tactic early on, as psychologist Dr. Rubin Khoddam explains on "Psychology Today." "Intellectualization is a coping mechanism that can act as a shield against the overwhelming intensity of feelings," says Dr. Khoddam.

Intellectualization as a protective shield

This mechanism is natural and often has a certain justification. For example, according to the expert, it could be that as children we were unable to express our feelings without deeply affecting our parents. We may have therefore learned that it's better to keep our emotions to ourselves and process them on a different level. Even in the case of a serious loss, it may be helpful—at least in the short term—to focus on practical issues rather than immediately surrendering to the power of our intense grief.

But if we fail to access our emotions in general, according to Dr. Khoddam, we can experience long-term health problems, such as anxiety disorders or depression, in our relationships, and even in our physical health. Therefore, it can be helpful to consider whether and when we tend to intellectualize our feelings. These signs, according to Psychology Today, point to this.

This shows that you often intellectualize your feelings 1. You approach your emotions logically

According to Dr. Khoddam, people who tend to respond to their feelings with logic are often preoccupied with the "why." They want to know and understand why they feel the way they do. Therefore, when someone asks them how they are, they often feel the need to explain themselves. Instead of simply saying that they're not feeling well and are very exhausted, they may list all the stressful things happening and explain in detail why they're overwhelmed. Instead of staying on the emotional level, they believe they have to justify themselves and therefore shift—often unconsciously—to the logical level.

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2. You distract from unpleasant feelings through humor

"Some people use humor to distract from their true feelings," explains Dr. Rubin Khoddam. "Humor can be a healthy coping mechanism, but when it's used to avoid having to deal with one's own feelings, it's a sign of intellectualization." This means that cracking a joke in difficult situations or uncomfortable conversations doesn't necessarily have to be problematic. However, if we fail to deal with these emotions in a healthy way afterward, it's not good for us in the long run.

3. You believe you can solve your problems by thinking (or overthinking)

People who intellectualize their feelings often also have a tendency to overthink, meaning they overthink their emotions instead of simply allowing and processing them. "If we frequently find ourselves stuck in a vicious cycle of analyzing and ruminating about our feelings, that's a clear sign that we want to avoid our emotions," says the psychologist. This is often based on the false belief that we can solve our problems rationally by thinking about a topic for an interminable amount of time. But if we fail to address our feelings on an emotional level, we run the risk of repressing them.

How you can learn to accept your feelings

Dr. Rubin Khoddam shares three tips on how we can better access our emotions instead of intellectualizing them.

• Self-compassion. "Practicing self-compassion is a crucial step in reconnecting with our feelings," he explains. Khoddam recommends treating ourselves with the same loving and understanding we would a good friend. "It helps to constantly remind ourselves that what we're feeling is okay."
• Mindfulness. According to the psychologist, mindfulness techniques can help us become more aware of our feelings – in the moment they arise. "By staying non-judgmental and present in the moment, we can consciously observe our emotions without intellectualizing or suppressing them."
• Seek professional help. Another important tip from Dr. Khoddam: If we feel like we can't find a healthy way to deal with our feelings on our own, we can and should seek therapeutic help if possible. "Therapy can provide us with the tools and support to process our emotions in a healthier way."

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