Financial mistake: 'I fell in love with a man on Facebook and gave him 5,000 euros'

In the Financial Mistake section, we discuss a financial confession from a reader every week. From major financial missteps to the smallest financial blunders. This week: Marianne (56) met a charming man via Facebook and transferred part of her savings to him. Adine Faber-Versluis from Money Mind Academy shares her tips about this financial blunder.

Marianne (56): "I never thought I could fall in love like that at my age. And certainly not via Facebook. I got a friendly message from a man who had 'liked' my photos on Facebook. He was handsome, his name was Daniel. He was temporarily working in New York for an international project in real estate, he said. We started chatting. Occasionally at first, then every day. Sometimes for hours a day.

He was very attentive, asked the right questions and remembered small details that were very important to me. I felt seen again after all these years. We talked about everything: movies, family and future plans.

He said he was looking forward to the moment he could come to the Netherlands, so we could finally meet in real life. He sent selfies from his 'office', voice messages in which I heard his warm voice. Everything felt real.

After a few months, I got a panicky message one night. His credit card had been blocked, out of the blue. He was embarrassed, he said, but he needed help urgently: his rent was about to be written off. A large amount , about $3,500. If it didn't come in on time, he would lose his home.

The thought of him sitting there, on the other side of the world, without help broke my heart. He promised to pay me back the money as soon as the bank had sorted everything out. I transferred it.

Then came a few other little things. A medical bill . A deposit for a new work accreditation. A few hundred dollars here, a bit more there. Each time it made sense, each time it felt like 'one last time'. Until one day I suddenly didn't see his profile picture on WhatsApp anymore. My messages stopped coming in either: I was blocked. Gone. No message, no explanation. He disappeared as if he had never existed.

In the end I sent him the equivalent of 5000 euros. That was my buffer, my holiday fund and the money I had actually put aside to do something nice with my grandchild. The worst thing is not even the money, but the feeling that I have been abused, emotionally and financially. That is terrible. I immediately deleted my account on Facebook. Never again.”

Adine Faber-Versluis from Money Mind Academy is well versed in financial matters and gives tips for these types of problems:

"Being in love can make you vulnerable, especially online. Your feelings may be real, but that doesn't mean the other person is. Especially in a long-distance relationship, you never know for sure who is behind the screen. So always stay alert, especially if you are suddenly asked for money. The expression 'You should walk with family and friends, not trade' also applies here. As Marianne indicates: it's not just about the money, but also about the emotional loss.

Unfortunately, Marianne's story is not unique. This form of fraud, also called romance scams, occurs frequently. How do you prevent yourself from becoming a victim? Three tips:

1. Never transfer money to someone you have never met in real life. Not even under the guise of 'love'. True love also accepts a 'no'.
2. Don't be ashamed, but talk about it. The sooner you share it, the sooner you will succeed in regaining control. Or, if you are still in the middle of it, to stop sending money. Because often something like this starts with small amounts and gradually increases.
3. Take care of yourself as you would take care of someone else. Use some of the love you gave to (re)build your own buffer. Make yourself financially resilient with clear boundaries and standards.

This was a valuable lesson, but it can help you make sure it will benefit you greatly.”

Adine Faber-Versluis from Money Mind Academy is a financial expert and author of Money Boss: your financial freedom starts here. You can also follow her on Instagram for more financial tips.

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