Cristiano & Georgina

I didn't expect to begin this text with a mention of archaeology. But we can't ignore the obvious. Recently, Portuguese archaeologists discovered the largest rock ever to exist on Planet Earth.

The specimen was found on Georgina Rodríguez's finger last Monday.

In the photo she posted on Instagram to announce her engagement, Georgina captioned: "Yes, I do. In this and all my lives. Which are supposed to be seven, because she's a hell of a hottie."

So you'll agree to marry Ronaldo for the rest of your lives? Well, what a sacrifice. I wouldn't want to. I'm too attached to my Renault Clio and its flashing left headlight.

But I'll also tell you something: even if Georgina believes in reincarnation, she needs to be more aware of the odds. Even if she does reincarnate, she'll most likely end up in another—completely different—Gucci store. It's highly unlikely that she'll end up in that exact store.

In fact, if He (God) exists and is just, He balances the luck people have in the lives they live. And with the luck she had in this one, the next time she will be reincarnated as a badger.

There's already talk of the wedding of the century. But anyone who's been paying attention to Cristiano knows he avoids high-profile ceremonies so as not to steal the spotlight from the other participants. This was the case with Dalot's wedding and Jota's funeral.

Well, as we all know, the bride is the star of a wedding. So Ronaldo probably won't set foot in his own.

And I can't help but wonder if it won't be strange for Georgina when she marries Jorge Mendes.

Even for the priest who performs the ceremony:

- Georgina, do you accept?

- Yes .

- Jorge, what about Cristiano? Do you accept?

- Siu .

- Very well, you may kiss the bride.

And Georgina: Wait, do I have to kiss Jorje?

And Jorge: Of course, my dear, the boy here always gets a commission.

I know Cristiano and Jorge Mendes got mad. I know. But do you think this scenario would be funny if Georgina ended up kissing Ricardo Regufe? @rickyregufe on Instagram? Are you guys crazy?

There's been a lot of talk about the jewel's price. Some experts compare the rock to the ring Jeff Bezos gave his fiancée, which is very similar and worth around four million dollars. This possibility gave me hope, because it shows that Ronaldo is like the rest of us, and he ordered the ring from Amazon .

What is talked about very little is the person who is truly affected by this whole situation, and the person whose life Cristiano just ruined: me.

Because the first thing Georgina, who I have at home, said to me when I arrived was, "Look, love, I wish I had one like that, like hers ." I should have known better than to respond. I completely mortgaged my relationship.

I opened Georgina's Instagram , clicked on the photo immediately next to the one with the ring, which is of her in a trikini on a surfboard, and said to her: look love, I wish you had one like that, like hers .