Ismail Fatih Ceylan wrote: Our only concern is to attract the attention of others.

Communities develop common behavioral patterns based on changing conditions and periods. These behavioral patterns generally reflect a shared psychology.

The way events are perceived, reactions, reflexes, and interpersonal relationships evolve over time into similar behaviors among individuals in society. However, there are periodic differences. For example, just as there are differences between the common behavioral patterns of the 1900s and the 2000s, the behavioral patterns of the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, 1990s, and 2000s also differ. Since we are living in the 2000s, if we consider the common psychology of this period, there is actually a behavioral pattern that has persisted since the 1970s. In other words, the foundation of today's behavioral patterns developed in the 1970s. There are undoubtedly differences between the 1970s and today, but overall similarities prevail, and these behavioral patterns have evolved and reached the present day.

These common behavioral patterns, which have been shaped since middle school and high school, are also the common psychology that will shed light on the reasons for problems such as wrong marriages, divorces, and not being able to marry today.

Generally speaking, the characteristics that are frequently seen in today's people such as affectation and behavior, showing off and humiliation, seeking attention, seeking personal gain, showing off, pedantry and arrogance, unbalanced behavior, indifference, etc. are the characteristics of high school psychology.

The attitudes prevalent among people today are behavioral patterns that are specifically tailored, almost like a package program, and become part of a person's character over time. We can easily observe this in our society, including ourselves.

For example, who among us can deny that insincere, artificial behaviors are prevalent today? Perhaps this is why we often prefer to express our human relationships and feelings through looks and gestures rather than through words. We often express feelings like anger, irritation, jealousy, envy, and admiration through actions rather than words. This is because our pride prevents us from openly expressing many of our feelings.

How can any of us truly express our feelings honestly and honestly? Think about our daily interactions with people. How much of it is fake, how much is genuine?

When we get angry, we often slam the door, give angry looks, continue walking without responding, speak with the lowest tone of voice possible to show that we are angry, etc.

We could say, "This is human nature; it's in their nature." Furthermore, almost all people behave this way. However, those who lived just a few generations before us weren't like this. Their lives weren't as comfortable and comfortable as ours; moreover, they lived under countless hardships and difficult circumstances. However, their mannerisms, conversations, and human relationships were warm and genuine. When we see people like this around us, we admire them. "A true gentleman, a true lady," we say when we see them, and we admit how few of them remain these days. Those diminishing "gentlemen, ladies" types were the vast majority in the past. Beyond these, there were people who, while not necessarily "Istanbul gentlemen or ladies," were genuinely sincere, genuine, and approachable, and they were the majority, even in our villages.

Today, although we live a more comfortable life than those people, with more material resources and everything you need, and although we may be more knowledgeable and have more technological means than they do, we must admit that psychologically we are not as comfortable as they were.

Behaviors such as irritability, insincerity, impulsive behavior, imbalances, dissatisfaction, depression, ambition in a negative sense, always striving for attention, striving for likes on social media, prioritizing one's own interests, showing superiority and belittling others are present in us, and since these have become a part of our lives, they negatively affect our lives as long as we live.

So much so that we accept these things as a fact of life and consider them a way of life. This isn't just limited to young people; even grown-ups' thirst for likes and follows on social media is astonishing. We often see some middle-aged and older Facebook users berating, complaining, and getting angry because they don't get enough likes. Someone I know, over sixty, was furious on his page because he had five thousand friends but only received 10-20 likes, or at most—and that's very rare—70-80. "Those who don't like my posts aren't my friends," he wrote. Some people would say, "If you don't like or comment on my posts, get out of my page," while others would announce, "I deleted so many uninterested friends today." Someone I know was obsessed with this situation; occasionally, when he ventured out of the virtual world and encountered real friends, he would angrily complain about it. One day, he complained to me too. I asked him, "So, how many people do you like? For example, do you like the posts of all five thousand of your friends?" He thought about it and said, "You're right." They have this strange feeling of wanting everyone to like them but not them, and some of them get really angry.

The situation is even worse on Instagram and Twitter. On both, the majority of people are saying, "I want many people to follow me, but I can only follow a few." Someone was surprised that I followed people who followed me on Instagram. Apparently, I shouldn't follow everyone. When I asked why, he replied, "It's cooler that way; people follow those who do that more." When I said, "But I prefer to see those who read my books, value me, and follow me as friends, not followers. I don't understand what happens when you're so arrogant and pompous," he looked at me as if to say, "You're so naive! Did you come from outer space?"

It's truly difficult to understand why some people buy followers, try out unconventional tactics, and practically focus their lives on it. Furthermore, to keep those followers happy, you have to constantly post compelling content; if you take a two-day break, your follower count drops. It seems these followers have no loyalty whatsoever.

Even stranger, there are people who unfollow someone after they follow them back. They're quite proud of this sagacity. An acquaintance of mine was furious when he discovered this. He'd be searching for unfollowers every day and unfollowing them.

Twitter, however, is a different world. Most people use it to bash their political opponents, belittle those with opposing views, and post insulting or profane comments on their accounts. It's like a battleground where writers, artists, and even politicians engage in trolling. Some men act horny, while others bare their chests and say, "Oh, I'm bored," trying to garner the attention of the entire male population. Some people become so immersed in this social media platform that they spend most of their day there, posting at least twenty or thirty posts a day. Others spend their days logging into the accounts of dozens of rivals, commenting negatively and insulting them.

Human greed, anger, jealousy, hatred, and lovelessness emerge on these social platforms. Social media is often a gathering place for our negative emotions. All our weaknesses—selfishness, arrogance, anger, hatred, and jealousy—are brought to light by these social media.

When these feelings are at the forefront, our daily lives are shaped by them. We often say or hear things like, "There's no real friendship left these days," "There's no real love these days," and "Everything in this world is based on self-interest." Songs like, "My friends left me and left," and the familiar phrase, "There's no real man," stem from the frequent occurrence of these events. Finding a trustworthy man and honest employee is a challenge for businesses. So is finding a reliable husband or a suitable bride.

No matter how you look at it, there's a trust issue at every stage of our lives. The saying, "You can't even trust your father these days," unfortunately reflects our current state of mind.

As we live, we see so many examples that we're practically no longer surprised. Unexpected people turning out to be fraudsters, a supposedly honest person cheating on their spouse, a seemingly decent businessman behaving despotically towards his employees, a well-known person terrorizing their spouse and children at home—these incidents are so numerous, and the media covers them so frequently, that, as I said, we've come to expect everything from everyone.

For some reason, good news doesn't get much attention on this platform, and it's not even commented on. A story like "So-and-so" celebrated her 35th wedding anniversary goes unnoticed, while a story about a model breaking up with her eighth boyfriend gets an incredible amount of likes and comments.

These are things we may not even think about or realize, even though we live them. Let's consider our behavioral patterns in business. For example, appearing irritable and cranky, giving the impression of being overly busy and intolerant, are often displayed by business owners or those in higher positions to their subordinates. Displaying a demeanor that demonstrates a lack of consideration for the other person is considered acceptable behavior.

Addressing only certain people and looking at them while speaking in public, virtually ignoring certain people in that environment, is an attitude of humiliation.

Feigning indifference is a method of humiliation used in every aspect of life. For example, we often place great importance on being the one greeted, even if we don't realize it. We make sure the person who greets us first is the one who greets us. Ignoring the greeting is another method of humiliating the other person.

Anxiety about being inferior to others, being humiliated, oppressed, and ignored poses a significant challenge in these individuals' daily lives. These feelings of inferiority can lead to a desire to avenge and seek revenge if the opportunity arises.

One of our most misguided behaviors, often unaware of it, is our attempts to attract attention from others. To this end, we sometimes attempt to do the unthinkable. However, when we see others doing this, we condemn it. We laugh and get angry at what others do to get attention on television, in the newspaper, or on social media, but we rarely think about our own situation or what we might do.

Fake behaviors that are performed in public places to attract people's attention, to make their presence felt, and to prove themselves are very common in today's society.

But some of the attention-seeking behaviors of prominent celebrities are particularly prevalent. Every day, we see and read about the various attires a singer, a model, or a television host will don to attract attention, and the strange behaviors they adopt to garner attention.

Years ago, a former movie star, hoping to resurface, lived in a room with a rather rude man she'd lived with for ten years, watching cameras, and broadcasting her ordeal to everyone on television. He was truly a rude man, humiliating women with terrible insults, calling them "idiots, idiots, idiots!" and sometimes even resorting to violence. The charming, dashing movie star of that era, as he insulted, cursed, hit, and hurt her, she endured his universally detested, brutal behavior, calling him "my love, my beloved, my darling."

And this program, which had viewers seething with rage, was breaking ratings records. As if that weren't enough, extra programming was being produced for the program. The movie star and her partner would also get into arguments and rows during these programs, the man would lob insult after insult, and the studio audience would start fighting among themselves, some favoring the woman and some favoring the man.

The forgotten former cinema artist, although humiliated and disgraced, was very happy to have attracted the attention of the society and come to the fore.

Some singers resort to attention-grabbing behavior to boost sales of their new albums. Some claim to have been beaten by their boyfriends, others engage in heated arguments with other artists, and still others are caught having fleeting affairs with other artists. Of course, there are those who admit to being beaten by their fathers, those who reveal they were once very poor, and those who decide to share a significant secret of their lives with their fans.

This craze for attention has spread to every profession. For example, a theologian and writer who made off-the-cuff comments to impress high society and often made people laugh at him was dying his snow-white hair black, and he was making disgusting comments about some of the "hip" show hosts he appeared on, saying things like, "You're not reactionary bigots, you're enlightened people. I'm older than you, but I kiss your hand."

Yes, the things these people in the public eye do to attract attention are surprising when you watch them, and make you say, "This can't be that much!" But sometimes we also strive to attract attention in our private lives, even if we are not like them.

Attention-seeking behaviors, often considered part of psychology, are rooted in this: withholding attention until receiving it, then showing interest later, acting indifferently toward those who are genuinely close or friendly, looking down on others, and trying to please and attract the attention of those who are dismissive, condescending, or uninterested.

Trying to appear sympathetic to someone one does not like but has an interest in, flattering him, trying to win his favor and make him like himself at every opportunity, showing a fake loyalty and respect to one's boss, superior or manager, and being disloyal without a blink when the conditions change, is trying to attract attention for one's own benefit.

When these traits turn into traits of disloyalty, dishonesty, and hypocrisy, both the individual and society in general experience social distress. This slippery personality creates a host of problems in work, family, and social relationships.

The degradation of society, the increasing problems of marriage, the disintegration of the family, the lack of respect and love between parents and children, the degeneration of boy-girl relationships are all caused by these behavioral patterns.

The foundations for these behaviors are actually laid during the educational process. During high school, that is, adolescence, emotions like being admired by others, attracting attention, risking everything to be important, striving for something, and being ambitious are loaded into a person's psychology like a package program, while those who strive to avoid these things, who are well-mannered, modest, and decent, are treated as outdated in that environment.

During high school, things like popularity, a penchant for designer brands, and flirting become a way of life for young people. These are often considered more important than studying, being diligent, and being successful. It's also during this period that young people begin to group themselves based on status. The habit of classifying people based on interests, a common occurrence in our society today, emerges during this period. The most striking feature in high schools is the presence of shared interest groups.

These groups are generally formed by children from families of similar income levels, students from similar socio-cultural backgrounds, hard-working individuals, or, in layman's terms, "outgoing." The entire class only comes together when it's necessary to unite against other classes or teachers.

In high schools, the popular and admired person is generally popular because of their wealth, beauty, or "sports presence." Their walk, dress style, speech, and hand gestures become fashionable and are imitated throughout the school.

High school students in every era have their own unique style of walking, smiling, and dressing. A careless air, a defiant, indifferent facial expression, a bag on one shoulder, and a slow, careless stride are classic. Loud laughter and profanity are also considered and accepted as indicators of character. Some teenagers, in particular, take this as a sign of personality and exaggerate it. They display this disregard for others at school, at home, and in public, seeking attention. They consider it a major accomplishment to add the phrase "fuck, fuck" to the end of every post they post on social media. It's not just teenage boys; now girls are doing this too.

In high school, looking wealthy is also extremely important. A great deal of effort goes into this. Someone dressed in mediocre attire wouldn't be a good fit for a group where everyone is wearing famous brands. Similarly, an ugly person wouldn't be able to join a group that's generally known for its good looks or beauty. Being beautiful or wealthy is essential for joining a group. Those who are beautiful and wealthy are often coy, and their spoiled behavior is often overlooked, as they are the source of prestige and pride for the group. Even taking the school bus is considered a sign of wealth until a certain age.

To appear wealthy, school uniforms are accessorized with every possible accessory. Girls try to emphasize their wealth by wearing high-quality, expensive hair clips. Almost everyone, both boys and girls, has a penchant for brand names. The additions to the jerseys, name-brand sweaters, socks, and ties are often a way of proving their wealth. Therefore, even those who are less well-off pressure their families to demand this brand of phone, that brand of shoe, even that brand of sock. If they don't get what they want, they even rebel.

Therefore, the thing that would bring the family's high school child the most joy during that period was buying them designer clothes. Even those who were financially weaker would struggle to gain recognition by buying a few designer clothes, scrimping on their meager savings. Because the most important value judgment is money and its indicators. The path to recognition and popularity lies in money.

These habits, acquired during high school and later university, have an impact on young people later in life. While many individuals abandon some of the excessive and exaggerated habits they experience during their education, they also abandon certain affectations. However, some acquired characteristics remain enduring. Their perspective on life, habits such as striving for attention, showing off, an insatiable mindset, and an inability to be satisfied become part of their character.

Because these traits persist in relationships between men and women, in business, and in society, they often become dissatisfied with their lives. Because they constantly seek better, more beautiful, more successful, and more profitable things, they lack contentment and are unable to settle. Furthermore, because these enduring traits include arrogance, self-importance, and a ruthless sense of competition, they experience difficulties in every aspect of life.

Girls, too, are influenced by the "package program" they acquired during their education. They, too, are now embroiled in their own unique struggles. They find themselves struggling to be the prettiest, the coolest, to attract attention, to be the boys' favorite, sometimes even to snatch someone else's boyfriend, and to compete with other girls.

Because such a mindset leads to a compulsive desire to make friends and have lovers of the opposite sex, these relationships often don't yield healthy results. A man might be interested for a while, wander off, and then chase another attractive woman. Somehow, women with this mindset, those who believe they absolutely must have a boyfriend, are easy to attract; abandoning them is even easier.

Dating is more about showing off to one's friends than about genuine affection. The more people a guy has been seen with, the cooler he'll be. Furthermore, dating a beautiful girl also serves the purpose of gaining the envy and admiration of his friends. Girls often prefer to date guys who drive flashy cars because it boosts their reputation when their friends see the car after school.

Relationships aren't based on love and respect. Because relationships are based on constant leisure, traveling, eating, showing off, and mutually beneficial pursuits, over time, fights and signs of boredom begin to appear. Girls generally cry during every fight, while boys try to appear indifferent and unemotional. Their possessiveness, constant pressure on each other, and the atmosphere of mistrust between them soon become problematic.

Concepts such as loyalty and fidelity don't exist between them. Both partners know that if the other person finds someone more beautiful, handsome, wealthy, or popular, they'll abandon them at the first opportunity, and they constantly worry about this. This issue is brought up at every opportunity and used as a threat. Mutual respect eventually begins to fade. Because they overestimate each other and gradually realize each other's ultimately helpless selves, even the slightest inadequacy alienates them and they lose their love for them. The other person's fresh-faced appearance, sweating, acne, or illness all contribute to a decline in their love for the other person.

Despite all this, the fear of not finding someone better sometimes keeps a relationship going. Despite the fights and breakups, when they can't find someone new, they turn to each other. Having someone to date, whether for better or worse, is better than being known alone.

In the event of a breakup, who leaves first is also very important. Many people break up just to be the first to leave. Fighting and being capricious are crucial for "not being easy." If a reconciliation occurs after a breakup, the gift she receives is important. The material value of the gift will demonstrate how much she loves him. The courtship period is a time when both the girl and the boy's personalities, moral values, and self-respect are tested. Those who pass this test will develop their character and enter a healthy relationship. However, such a period, largely based on ostentation, material possessions, sexuality, pessimism, and insincerity, can have devastating and lasting effects on a person's future life.

It's during this period that people begin to experience their first separations, abandonment, deception, and betrayal. Those who cultivate this mentality continue to do so throughout their lives.

That's why finding trustworthy people has become so difficult these days. This is why wrong relationships are occurring, wrong marriages are being made, and why the number of unmarried women and unmarried men is increasing.

I don't know if you are aware, but unmarried girls & unmarried men are the biggest problem of our day.