Is it possible to truly become close with an avoidantly attached partner?

The striking research used data from a study conducted between 2016 and 2018. 2,000 participants, with an average age of 28, were subjected to various tests over 20 months.

The study, published in Psychology Today, used scales for attachment anxiety and avoidant attachment. The statement "I often worry that my partner doesn't care about me" addressed anxiety levels, while the statement "I prefer not to show my true feelings to my partner" addressed avoidant attachment.

The study found a small but significant decrease in attachment anxiety levels over time for female participants. However, no similar change was seen for male participants. Furthermore, there was no significant change in avoidant attachment style for either male or female participants.

The study also examined the evolution of partners' attachment styles. While there were some initial similarities in their attachment styles, no correlation was found between changes over time. This suggests that attachment changes are driven by individual and external factors rather than partner influences.

These findings cast some doubt on hopes that an emotionally distant partner will change over time. Clinical psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne also points out that the belief that "everything changes with the right person" isn't well-supported scientifically. While women's anxiety levels have been observed to decrease over time, the same can't be said for avoidant attachment.